The Thought Of You
by Pancake1236
Summary: Meredith's world turns upside down as she finds out who her friends fiancé is. AU One-shot I wrote last year.


**So this is a one shot I found while randomly looking through my old fictions^^ I wrote this a year ago and it's quite interesting to read how I wrote a year ago. Anyway, enjoy!**

**It's totally AU and surprisingly, not really MerDer... damn, what was I thinking?^^**

* * *

"_Oh…god…yes! YES!", she screamed out as she reached her climax._

"_Oh…wow…", he said breathlessly as he rolled off of her and held her tight._

_Silence._

"_Derek", she whispered._

"_Yes, Meredith?"_

"_I'm leaving Finn. I'll call off the wedding."_

"_Really?", he asked happily._

"_Do you think we can make it?"_

"_Yes. I believe that our love is enough. We can and we will make it work.", Derek whispered back._

"_I love you, Derek.", she said gently and snuggled deeper into his chest._

"_I love you too. I always will, Meredith.", he whispered and they both fell into a peaceful slumber…_

-

"I now pronounce you to husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

This was not the thing Meredith wanted to hear. It was the last thing she thought she'd ever hear, except he was speaking these words to her. But the words of the priest were not directed to her.

No. At this wedding she wasn't the bride. She was maid of honour at the wedding of her very dear friend Nathalie.

And Derek.

She still remembered how they met. It wasn't supposed to turn out like this. She was a surgical resident at Seattle Grace. A surgical resident on her way to a seminar in Paris. Nothing special.

Except for the fact she met Derek Shepherd…

"_Yes, I'd like to check-in please.", Meredith said to the woman behind the desk._

"_Sorry, ma'am. I'm afraid we're all booked out because of the seminar. If you're willing to, you can share a room with another doctor attending the seminar.", the woman said regretfully._

"_What?! Oh great. This workshop is for three months! Four months with a stranger in one room?!". *Hm…maybe I get stuck with a hot French man…*_

"_I'm very sorry ma'am, but this seems to be the only option."_

"_Yeah, okay. I'll take it."_

_She took her keys and walked off to her room. She reached the room and opened the door. She stepped in and looked around in the huge suite. Suddenly, the bathroom door opened and a half naked man walked in, the steam from the shower coming out._

"_Aaaargh!!!", the mysterious man yelled._

"_Whoa, calm down!", Meredith tried to calm him down._

"_What the hell are you doing here?!", the man exclaimed. *American. Damn!*_

"_Seems like we're sharing this suite.", she stated frankly and walked over to the king size bed._

"_Wha-What?! Hey! That's my bed!"_

"_So, you're also a surgeon? Didn't know surgeons could be this good-looking. Nice ass, by the way.", she started a small talk._

"_Why are you in my suite?!", he demanded._

"_The hotel's full. Looks like you're stuck with me.", she sighed theatrically. _

"_Oh, I see. You wanna get in my pants!", he accused her._

"_No, of course not, doctor! If, then under your towel…", she giggled at her own comment._

"_Meredith Grey, 3__rd__ year surgical resident at Seattle Grace.", she said and extended her hand._

"_Derek Shepherd, chief resident__, New York General.", he said and shook her hand hesitantly._

"_Nice to meet you, Dr. Shepherd.", she said and grinned while he took in her body._

_That's how their summer began._

-

"Today my dear friend Nathalie entered the club. The club of the married women. Standing here, looking at her in her gorgeous dress I constantly have to think what she said to me when we were sixteen."

""I hate every masculine being on this planet!", she'd always say after her boyfriend broke up with her. "Come on, Nat! You have to have faith that your Prince Charming is out there, waiting for you.", I'd always say to her. She'd snort. "Meredith, there is no happily ever after for us. There is no Prince Charming. And there'll never be.""

The guests were laughing. They had no idea how hard it was for her to say this out loud.

"I strongly think she's changed her mind. I believe that today she married her Prince Charming. Toast to the newlyweds!"

She married her Prince Charming.

_Soon enough their love summer was over. The summer might have been over but their love certainly wasn't. In fact, now the real thing started. Over the whole 3 months they were sneaking. They didn't want their colleagues to find out._

_So now they were back to Seattle respectively New York. _

"_We'll call each other?", Meredith asked him for the thousandth time._

"_Meredith, of course I'll call you! Don't worry. We'll be fine. We can make it.", Derek reassured her again._

"_Wait! Before our way separate… there's something I need you to promise me.", she insisted._

"_What is it?"_

"_Whatever might happen…"_

"_Meredith… it won't…"_

"_You don't know. Fate's not always on my side, you should know that. Anyway…whatever might happen… I want this summer to be a secret. Our secret. We won't tell anyone until we're together."_

"_Our secret.", he agreed._

"_O-Okay. So…I guess…goodbye, then.", she said sadly._

"_Meredith. Never forget. I love you.", Derek whispered into her ears._

"_I love you too.", Meredith sniffed._

And without them knowing they kissed goodbye.

It was the last kiss they shared.

"It was a lovely speech.", a voice with a heavy British accent said as she sat down. She turned around.

"N-Nick?! Dr. Nick Thompson?! Oh my god!", she exclaimed and hugged him. Nick Thompson was also a surgical resident. He also attended the "seminar" in Paris. She remembered the first time she saw him and his blue-greyish eyes. Almost as captivating as Derek's. His dark brown hair, curly but not as dark as Derek's.

"Meredith,", he said and smiled, "It's lovely to see you again."

"You didn't tell me you were coming!", she accused him playfully. Nick was the only one from the seminar she had kept contact with. Even though he lived in London.

"I was quite surprised too. I didn't know you knew Nathalie too."

"Well, I do. I've known her since 3rd grade."

"And I never would've thought that her "Derek" would be "Dr. Derek Shepherd".", he laughed a hearty laugh. It was almost intoxicating and she laughed with him. They were interrupted when the waiters brought up the first course.

"It looks delicious!", Meredith said but then looked confused. "What is it?", she asked and looked up to the newlywed couple.

"It's Tandoori Chicken", Nathalie answered.

„Oh! It's my..."

„Favourite.", Nathalie and Derek both answered.

"How do you know?", Nathalie asked Derek. Meredith stayed silent.

„It's heavenly.", Nick said after he took a bite.

"Mmmh…it is!"

[i]"You come to France to eat Tandoori Chicken?!", Derek asked her in the dimmed light of one single candle on balcony of their suite they shared.

"It's my favourite! And besides I don't like sea food very much. Here, try!", she replied and gave him a fork full of the chicken. "It's delicious, right?"

"Everything's delicious from or off of you.", Derek replied with a dirty smirk.[/i]

Through the whole dinner, the saloon was filled with light chatter and laughter. Meredith enjoyed the company of Nick. She was actually relieved she sat next to someone she knew.

"Ladies and Gentleman; The fresh couple would like to share their first dance."

It was hard for Meredith to watch. The whole wedding was hard for her. It felt as if Nathalie was living the life she'd always dreamed of. The big white wedding with the handsome Prince Charming, moving in to a big house with white picket fence and a dog.

And soon, an own family.

She remembered how crushed she was when Nathalie told her that they were trying for a baby.

"_What are you thinking about?", Derek asked Meredith, holding her in his arms._

"_Us.", she said. "Do you think we have a future? That our love has a future?"_

"_I do. I think that in ten years or maybe less, we'll be married with our own house and a dog. And beautiful children waiting for us to come home. And most importantly. We'll be happy."_

"Would you like to dance?", Nick's voice woke her from her daydream. His hand waiting for hers to accept.

"I'd love to.", Meredith said and took his hand.

"You look beautiful. Like you just sprang out from a fairy tale, escaping an evil witch.", he added and listened to her giggle.

"Thank you. But I'm not supposed to be the most beautiful woman today.", she blushed furiously.

"To me, you do.", he said and she blushed again.

_Two months. It had been two months since she called the whole wedding thing off. Two months since she came back from France. Two months she hadn't heard from Derek. Two horrible months._

_And then suddenly Derek calls._

"_Meredith…", his voice sounded uneasy._

"_Derek! I was so worried! What happened?! I know the hospital can be busy…"_

"_I can't, Meredith."_

"_You can't what?"_

"_I'm ending this." With these words her world fell apart._

"_This? Us?! No! No no no! Why?!", she asked him, desperately._

"_Because there's no us!", he yelled frustratingly._

"_No…I don't believe this. You…I'd never pegged you for this kind of guy. What happened to you?", she whispered. _

"_I'm engaged.", he said and hung up leaving her alone to pick up the broken pieces of what once had been._

It felt good, to be in Nick's arms. It felt good to be admired. To be cared.

Feelings she hadn't felt since this one phone call.

"So, it seems like we'll be seeing each other more often now.", Nick said, both still swaying on the dance floor.

"Huh?", Meredith asked confused.

"I heard you just transferred from Seattle Grace to Boston General."

_Soon after the horrible phone call her cell phone rang again. Nathalie._

"_Meredith?", the voice almost chirped._

"_Nat?"_

"_Meredith! I'm coming to visit you! I'm engaged! Oh, I'm so happy! He's perfect, Meredith! But you know you always have to give me the approval first! Oh, and I'm moving back to Seattle! Isn't this great?!"_

"_Nat…Now is a really bad time…I…I…", she sniffed._

"_No time for excuses, Mer! I'm at your door!", Nathalie said and the door bell rang._

_Meredith opened the door and she almost fainted._

"_Surprise!", Nathalie screamed happily and hugged her tightly. "This is Derek, my fiancé!"_

"_You can't tell her. I can't tell her.", Meredith hissed to Derek when Nathalie left for the toilet._

"_We can't tell her."_

"_There's no we.", Meredith replied in a cold, cutting voice._

"_Meredith…I…", Derek said, almost pleadingly._

"_I'll move."_

"_What?"_

"_She said she'll be moving to here, Seattle. I can't stay here."_

"_Mer, this is ridiculous. You don't have to move because of us.", he snorted._

"_No! What is ridiculous is me still loving you!", she yelled and left the house._

_He realized only later that she meant every single word she said._

"_Hey Addison! I haven't seen Dr. Grey around here.", he tried to ask casually. He was now good friends with Addison from all these consults he had at Seattle Grace._

"_Oh, yeah. She's on vacation in Paris. Said something about "place where she felt love for the last time" or something like that."_

"_Oh. For how long?"_

"_Uhm…not sure. But I don't think you'll see her again so soon."_

"_Why is that?"_

"_She'll be transferring to Boston General just before you'll sign your contract to stay with us.", she explained and walked off smiling._

"Uhm…yeah…Boston General. I thought it was time for a change. But how did you know?", Meredith asked.

"Because I work there as a 5th year surgical resident. Cardiothoracic."

"Oh.", was all she could mutter.

"So…I was wondering…would you like to get a drink? Because, honestly I don't like weddings that much. Well, except it's mine, I guess.", he asked shyly.

"Nick…", Meredith sighed.

"It's okay, if you don't want to. I was just…I like you…a lot."

"I'm no good for you, Nick. You don't know just how I'd love to go out with you. You deserve someone better than me. You don't know my history. I'm damaged goods. I don't deserve you.", she replied sadly not meeting his eye.

"Then…why don't we start as friends? Friends who go out and have a drink.", Nick asked hopefully.

"Just a drink?"

"Just a drink.", he echoed.

"Just as friends?"

"Well…we can start as friends…and see where it leads to…", he said not sure what to expect by his honesty and stubbornness.

"Sounds good to me", she said smiling. Something she hadn't done for a while.

"So, you wanna go now?", he asked and let go of her waist he was holding while swirling over the dance floor. He extended his hands, waiting for hers to take his.

"Now sounds great.", she said smiling again. She was just about to take his hand when Nathalie called for her.

"Meredith!", Nathalie yelled. "It's time for the bouquet!"

"After the bouquet, okay?", Meredith promised and turned around.

And of course she caught the bouquet.

But when she caught the bouquet, she didn't feel like screaming. All she wanted to do was get out.

Just to get away.

Unlike the others the bouquet had a different meaning for Meredith in that exact moment. It didn't mean for her that she'd get married next.

It was a sign that she was ready to fall in love again.

"So, is now "after the bouquet" yet?", Nick asked her grinning widely extending his hand again.

In this brief moment, she looked back over her shoulders.

Just as Derek looked up.

And they shared their look.

And she knew. Everything was clear then.

_I don't miss him. __I miss who I thought he was._

She knew that what she and Derek had was a wonderful summer, a summer not to be forgotten. But she also knew that they didn't have a future together.

So she took Nick's hand eagerly.

The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy.

She was ready to move on. To plan a future without Derek. If Nick would be in her future is unknown. But she knew she had to move on. No matter if it was with Nick or someone else. Just not Derek.

As the doors closed behind her a chapter was being closed.

And a new chapter began.


End file.
